


An Adequate Explanation

by I_loved_it



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_loved_it/pseuds/I_loved_it
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

Leonard is standing ready in the docking bay. He almost always is, waiting to check on the team. And if there isn't anyone needing urgent medical care, he can't stand not teasing the crew when they come back from a mission without him. Asking Jim if he met the love of his life down there. Making up some story about the mutiny that he led while the captain was away. Of course, the stories and jokes are better when the team had _checked_ _in_ , but for some reason they surrendered their communicators basically as soon as they found life. That always bodes well. And there was no report before they came back to the ship, just a call from the ground saying they were boarding the shuttle and would be up in less than an hour.

This gave Leonard time to set med bay up for the possibility of a few injured lieutenants or an idiot captain or a stubborn Vulcan. It gave him plenty of time, enough to set up and then stand in the middle of med bay bickering at Nurse Chapel about the state of things while he tried not to picture bodies in the cots right beside him. It gave him enough time to change his uniform that he had been worrying in for hours and running around in since they got the call about everyone coming back. The stupid bastard that had called to send the message left out anything about the condition of the away team.

He's in the shuttle bay wringing his hands and succumbing to his nerves: rocking back and forth while glaring at the bay doors. He never got a really clear explanation as to why a shuttle was necessary as opposed to the transporter. As much as he hates the damn thing, it's faster than this.

Finally, the ensign behind the controls starts pressing some buttons, and the doors sled open. The lower ranks stumble out first. Leonard looks them over intently. They don't seem anything but exhausted. The last of them to walk out looks miserable.

"How you doin there, son?" He asks the ensign.

The boy just looks up at him like he can't answer.

Leonard walks up to him, gesturing to the nurse who had accompanied him to the shuttle bay. Good thing too, because as soon as Leonard reaches out for the boy, as soon as he gets his hand around the kid's arm, the ensign sways and tries to drop to the floor. Leonard is supporting all his weight and saying something to comfort the boy when the nurse leans in. Leonard is glad he brought him because the nurse just swoops in and carries the kid bridal style over to the gurney, pushing the thing out of the room and on to med bay without a backward glance.

Well, now he's worried. Got several members of the away team (suspiciously avoiding eye contact) looking ready to drop and one who has. In cases like this, Jim is either completely fine or in way worse condition. He's about to yell into the shuttle for the bastard to get his ass out here when Spock steps out of the shuttle. He's just as serene as ever, eyes straight and head high. Something in Leonard's cheat releases at the sight of him, and while he's still worried about Jim, it doesn't stop the smile on his face or the way his arms open slightly on instinct. He never expects a reciprocation on that. He doesn't mind, really. Spock is a more private person. Leonard doesn't want to push on something pointless that will just upset the Vulcan. He teases of course, but since they've started… whatever this is… Leonard has curbed his comments about the robotic, feelingless Vulcans. Not to say that he doesn't still poke at that perfect mask Spock always wears out on the bridge or during a mission just to see what he'll get.

He still hasn't lowered his arms all the way when Spock comes barreling up to him. He doesn't stop until he's got his face buried in the doctor's neck.

"Sweetheart?" The endearment slips out. Leonard doesn't think he's really used them with Spock. Always seemed odd to say to a Vulcan, illogical.

Spock doesn't say anything, just keeps himself hunched over and tucked into Leonard as well as he can.

Leonard has just got control of himself to wrap his arms around Spock when he sees Jim come out of the shuttle. The captain dismisses the officer running the controls and tells the lingering members of the away team to take themselves down to med bay. Leonard would usually be escorting them to make sure they do just that, but he's not going to move now.

"Jim." It's not a question. The captain better start talking. And there better be an amazing explanation for why Spock has brought his hands up to grip the front of Leonard's shirt.

“Bones..” Jim starts, with as much ‘captain’ in his voice as he can muster, “we were welcomed by the government like they were so happy to see us. They wanted to speak with those in charge and had us send the crew off to enjoy some feast or party or something. It seemed so innocent.” The captain takes another breath as if to steal himself. It doesn’t work, his voice becoming more and more panicked. “I swear, Bones, I didn’t know. I would’ve never- They did someth-”

“Please.” He’s interrupted by Spock, barely more than a whisper.

Leonard sees Jim flinch and decides he needs to see Spock’s face. Obviously, this is not about some huge bloody wound he has come to expect from them when on an away mission. He leans back just a bit and moves his hand to the side of Spock's face. Spock turns his head when led but has his eyes clenched shut, and Leonard can see tear tracks down his cheeks.

“Let me see those eyes, love.” But Spock just shakes his head minutely and buries himself once more into Leonard’s left shoulder. This time, he can feel his uniform get wet from tears he never thought he’d see like this.

“He wouldn’t talk to me, Bones. I don’t know what happened. They did something. I don’t know.” Jim manages to get a bit of control again and continues with his story like he’s delivering a report to an admiral. “I told the crew to mingle. That new ensign, double-licenced science and medical, Ramirez, she scanned some of the food. Was telling them what was safe and what wasn’t.”

Spock’s fingers seem to impossibly tighten on the front of his uniform, and Leonard can do nothing but wrap his arms more firmly around him and hush him like he would anyone else in this position. He can remember a time not so long ago when Jim was like this. Wrapped in his arms and shivering. Jim had just needed to be held, but Spock _never_ needs to be held. Skin to skin contact is saved for intimate moments. Leonard will sometimes hold Spock in bed or when lounging. But he always assumed that was Spock tolerating it for the sake of this thing they have. Spock never reaches out unless he notices Len’s emotional state.

Jim just continues on like he can’t hear the doctor whispering soothing words, _you’re alright, I got you, shhh just breathe Spock, just like that love, I’m right here_ , in Spock’s ear. “We were led to an adjoining room. It was just a few meters away from the rest of the crew. They were talking about the Federation and culture and possible trading practices, how their people have always wanted to develop space travel to our level but have never managed to make it past their solar system. It was all so normal, and then the - well I don’t know exactly what his position is, but it was something like a president’s secretary or something - he asked why we were not communicating, something about not being able to feel us. I had no idea what that meant. I don’t offer handshakes on first contacts. And I was trying to figure out what he meant when Spock tensed up and said they were telepathic.”

He frowns at Jim. They’ve come across a few planets with telepathic species. They never seem to bother Spock. He’s always as scientifically intrigued as with all first contacts.

“They had been trying to connect to our minds the whole time and were getting nothing. We tried to explain that most of the crew had no way of responding to telepathy like this. We aren’t built for it. They didn’t believe us. The people in charge, they just started to get angry and say things about offending them like this and lying to them. When I turned around to check on the crew, they were dropping like flies. I didn’t know what to do. Spock asked them to stop. Their people were overwhelming the crew with waves of telepathic messages that they’re not able to receive.”

“The president-ruler dude said something that the translator didn’t pick up, and they stopped. I thought it was over. A misunderstanding. I was going to check on the crew and order some of them back to the shuttle. Ramirez said their vitals looked funny, so I went to help prop them up and carry them back to the shuttle. I swear. I thought Spock was right behind me. He wasn’t, though. I turned to get him to help, and he was still in the other room. I think he was apologizing for us or something. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but at some point the president didn’t look angry anymore. The secretary dude started walking toward Spock. I figured it was some hand-shake-type-thing, so I got up to go do it. I’m captain.” He says it like he’s both reassuring and berating himself. “I should be on top of stuff like that.”

By now, Jim is staring at Spock’s back, but his eyes are glossy like he’s not seeing anything. “They closed the doors. They closed the doors before I got there.” The captain looks so distraught as he whispers. “I don’t know what happened.”

Leonard tries. He tries really hard to breathe through the panic and anger battling inside him. Up until now he’s been worried, and of course he’s upset that Spock is so different than he was just a few hours ago. But now he’s enraged and has no target for this anger.

“When they finally let me in, Spock was just standing there shivering. The secretary guy was a lot closer than before. And the president dude was standing. I asked what they did to him, and those fuckers just smiled and said they just ‘linked’ to communicate with him. Whatever that means.”

Spock finally pulls himself away from the doctor. Not just up from resting on his shoulder but away, taking several steps back so that they are no longer touching. “Don’t,” he says while he turns to Jim.

“Spock?” Leonard asks. The captain’s eyes go wide like he never expected Spock to speak to him again.

He looks like he's gathering himself, trying to shove everything back behind that emotionless facade. It's not an uncommon thing. Sometimes, with too much excitement or stress, Spock needs just a second - maybe a breath or two, less than most people would notice - to settle. But Leonard can't bear to watch it when Spock is so obviously upset.

"Can you tell us what they did?" He thought that he would sound angry, but really he's too surprised by Spock's fast movement.

There's no response. Leonard notices that not only is Spock staring at Jim, but Jim has not broken eye contact. It's like they're having some silent conversation with the doctor in the room.

Finally Spock speaks, still looking - almost glaring - at Jim, "It is of no consequence."

"Spock…" the captain is shrinking under his first officer's gaze.

"What the hell do you mean 'no consequence.'?" Well now here comes the anger. "You're shivering!"

They're still staring at each other. It becomes clear to Leonard that Jim knows more than he's telling. Maybe not much, maybe something vague that he can't describe, but Jim knows something. And Spock is adamant that he shut up.

Spock seems to conclude that Jim is done speaking about the mission and turns to leave without another word.

"Jesus Spock would you answer me dammit!" Leonard moves to try to block his path, not quite making it, but close enough to get a grip on his wrist.

It's a fairly tight grip, Leonard will admit, but Spock is almost twice as strong when he wants to be. Leonard has become accustomed to not withholding his own strength unless it is likely to cause pain. He's certainly grabbed Spock's wrist harsher before.

That's why he is shocked when Spock flinches from his grip.

He instantly feels betrayed. The pain sinks deep. At the same time he is terrified. What must have happened to make Spock pull away so violently?

Spock rolls his shoulders and leaves the shuttle bay while the doctor and the captain are still speechless.


	2. Chapter 2

_I can't let him know. I'll have to find a way to describe it where the events are not so explicit._

_Mind melds are not so uncommon as to be an extremely intimate practice, and several missions have required telepathic insight. I have touched plenty of other minds at least on the surface. But that will not be an adequate explanation given my actions in the shuttle bay._

_ I must find a different way to explain what the leaders did. Perhaps it is that they initiated contact first. Though, I did consent before any true connection occurred.  _

_ It is slightly more uncommon, the quantity of minds that were connected. There was no funnel for the telepathic incursion. That could explain a minor emotional outburst. In fact, I believe much of my reaction was caused by the number of individuals that overwhelmed me.  _

_But that will not appease the doctor. And anything I may say about the strength of their assau_ - even in his thoughts he has to take a breath - _of their assault will only worry him more and lead to further 'fussing' as he calls it. Or it will likely cause the opposite: resulting in the doctor feeling betrayed and ending their current relationship._

It does not occur to Spock to provide the complete truth. He makes an effort to be clear and concise in his logs concerning the mission, but there is an element of truthfulness missing from his usually factual recordings. 

Spock does explain that telepathic connections were made upon the crew without their knowledge or consent. 

He includes one line of how he made the decision to offer himself as a way for the leader of the people to see the intentions of the Federation. The line does not include the word  _ coerced _ , but it does state that without this offer, crew members would have likely suffered further damage and the Federation would have definitely lost any chance of the planet's membership or even peaceful association. 

He notes that the intimacy with which the people communicate may lead to issues with both telepathic and non-telepathic individuals given the people's expectation of such connection. Many employees in the Federation may find this experience to be more of an assault than a form of communication.

There. He managed to place the word without specifically referring back to himself. The warning stands clear enough for any who will read it. The people on the planet expect intimacy which is extremely rare among strangers or even colleagues. 

  
  
  
  


Spock knows that he is not to blame for the actions of others. He is not being overly emotional or illogical in the sense of taking responsibility for all of the events which occurred in that room. The psychological effect of “victim-blaming” which many species experience is familiar to him. Federation officers are required to be familiar with many of these concepts in order to better make command decisions. 

He knows he is not at fault in this.

He simply cannot tell Leonard.

He consented to the telepathic link in the beginning. He already expected the experience would be somewhat more intimate than other connections he has participated in while working for Starfleet based on the urgency with which it was demanded.

His giving of consent at the beginning does not place the blame on him. But it does clearly show that he was willing to take part in an intimate connection with someone -  _ someones  _ \- other than the person Spock has entered into a relationship with.

He cannot tell Leonard this. He has already had one partner stray from a relationship with him by 'cheating.' This situation will seem much the same. Spock is sure of it.

The doctor does not object to Spock initiating surface connections with others in his work. If anything, Leonard exudes pride when Spock's natural abilities assist in expeditious missions. Spock is able to communicate with new species to quickly establish peaceful relations or connect with an individual who may need medical assistance but is too weak to request it verbally.

However, in those situations, many of his actions are approved by the captain or the doctor before they are undertaken. Here Spock decided to initiate a mental link of his own accord.

He accepted knowing that the link would likely be very intimate, even sexual in a way given the attitude of the people of that planet. The leader and his assistants had not been angry. They were frustrated. 

He was correct. When they had entered his mind he had attempted to keep any classified information out of the immediate link. This had turned out to be completely unnecessary. The people in that room had no intention of revealing the secrets of the Federation. Those in that room only cared for intimacies that other species had not pressed for in his experience. 

Spock’s mental discipline was established, strong even by Vulcan standards, but he had not been expecting the leaders of a majority of this planet to require this interaction from a complete stranger. Introductions had not even been made when they began to display their irritation.

Recognizing the people’s efforts immediately, Spock had decided it was best to allow them this information. 

If they desired memories of his relationships, then he would simply give it. Perhaps this is a very distrusting planet which judges the character of fellow beings by their treatment of those close to them. Many cultures measure a familial patriarch/matriarch by their careful, loving treatment of and ability to support their partner(s).

However, they were apparently not interested in his personal relationships so much as his explicit interactions. 

As he had stood in that room, revealed to the seven individuals present, all of them having entered his mind instead of just the obvious leader, Spock had experienced a wave of  _ pleasure _ that was not brought on by his own mind but was definitely of himself. The people had some ability to not just project their own emotions but to ignite significant reactions within others. 

The first moment was uncomfortably intimate, but Spock had borne it with the calm he usually maintained throughout mental links with new species. Here, he had consented once again, allowing them this access. He simply waited for the people to be satisfied with his willingness for this brief connection to prove the sincerity of the  _ Enterprise _ crew and the Federation as a whole.

He should not have waited for them to be satisfied. This was an amazingly awful decision. Spock can’t help but think that perhaps that first experience of pleasure was already too late for him to explain the situation to Leonard and maintain their current standing with each other. Everything that followed in that seemingly unending bout of pleasure and lust bouncing between himself and others in his mind may not even matter by the doctor’s standards of monogamous relationships. 

At the first sign of the probable intensity of the meld, Spock should have refused the experience. He had the mental ability. Or he had at that point in time. Later, when things were  _ more _ , it would have been more difficult to force the assailants from his mind.

And that he sought  _ comfort _ from Leonard after what he had done… Spock did not know how he could explain that - how he felt he had the right to Leonard consoling Spock after he had been neglectful of their propinquity. 

The doctor’s concerned muttering had ignited a paradox in Spock. He had been comforted, of course. Though highly illogical, the safety and surety of his voice were almost instinctual calming at this point. However, Spock was at the same time disgusted and felt as if he should pull away.

Spock stands and makes his way across his room to meditate, the only action available to Vulcans in times of stress.

* * *

The men stand in the shuttle bay watching the door slide shut.

“Jim, what the hell!”

“I don’t know, Bones.”

“You don’t - You know something!”

“I just told you. They closed the doors. I don’t know what happened! I don’t know what they did.”

“You do! He - look, what did they say? When you got back in the room what did they say? Who all was in the room… Just,  _ think _ Jim.” Leonard is gesticulating widely. “How much had they moved since you had been in the room.” 

It’s not said like a question. It’s becoming very clear that Jim will be facing only demands for quite a while.

“Look, all I know is what I told you -” he raises his hand to stop Bones from cutting him off with angry words. “That’s all I  _ know _ , but the assistant dude looked really happy. Like, satisfied that he’s gotten something happy. And really, most of the other ones did too. The woman that was in there, she was some sort of dignitary like a representative from another part of the planet, she- she, uhm, had her shirt untucked. And the other guy standing next to the president, not the secretary guy. The, look, the titles all ran across each other in the translator. Just, the guy that was up by the leader dude. He had… I swear his pants were…” Jim trails off looking like he’s trying to piece together an accurate mental image of the room to figure it all out.

“I think they didn’t just overwhelm him. It wa- You’ve seen him after a difficult mission, a telepathic one or not, he can look really exhausted. But he didn’t look  _ tired _ . He looked- gods Bones I don’t know, I’ve never seen it like that he just- scared. He looked scared.” Jim’s hands are turned palm-up open towards Leonard like he’s offering up an invisible sacrifice and asking for a friend at the same time. 

“So he looked scared of them…” Leonard concludes quietly, already planning how to go down to that planet and commit a murder spree. Or, he could declare the planet to be holding an infectious and highly transmissible disease. Send down ‘treatments’ to be administered. He could come up with some fake symptoms, something that all beings experience from time to time, a headache or something, and they would all take the drugs… 

“I don’t know,” Jim says.

He could send it down in easy, one-time-injection capsules.  _ The Enterprise _ has thousands of them stored for treating ship-wide toxins, and they can always stock back up on their next base run, which should be soon given the first contact and several crew members completing their tour in the next few months…

“I don’t think he looked scared of  _ them _ ,” Jim says, thinking back on where Spock was looking, how he was still scared like that even once they got to the shuttle.

Leonard jerks his head and looks back at him, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t think that’s what’s scared him.”

“Then what made him fall apart like that?”

“Maybe seeing you after it… You two are pretty close at this point,” Jim says it like he’s teasing a friend, but his eyes are still serious. “Maybe you just made him react more.” He shrugs.

“I get what you’re saying Jim, but that… that doesn’t make any sense. Spock never reacts to me more than anyone else. And since we’ve been - and wipe that look off your face - he reacts to my teasin’ him even less.”

Jim just shrugs again, his only theory supposedly debunked. “I don’t know then, Bones.” He waits for a second and then says, “I’ve gotta go check on the bridge and file my report.”

Leonard nods and follows him out of the bay. They part naturally halfway through the deck.


End file.
